A short chronicle of a recent adventure.

Week of Thanksgiving: I’m working out extensively, feeling easily fatigued, easily stressed, and eating haphazardly. I make a 9.5 inch apple pie and eat about half of it, despite my belief that I am gluten intolerant. My husband and I attend a party, at which I consume additional gluten, during which I feel lightheaded – because of the white wine, I thought – and stressed, after which I discuss with my husband the failures of parenting.

Thanksgiving Day: I prepare a roast chicken, sweet potato casserole, and other dishes for myself, my husband, and his father. The three of us thoroughly enjoy the meal. I avoid all the carbs because I still believe I am gluten intolerant. I stress about the chicken, thinking it may not have been cooked safely and we may all end up with bird flu, but I eat it anyway. I crack open a bottle of Virginian red wine and feel especially lightheaded while we play wii sports. Father-in-law departs with leftovers, about which I continue to stress because he is older, has a cold, and may easily contract bird flu.

Black Friday: We stay home and rest in our nest. I have difficulty sleeping.

Saturday, 11/24: Andrew takes me to a gun range. I bring applesauce, a banana, and a water bottle because I’m focused on staying awake despite my fatigue. Nevertheless, I’m sick to my stomach by the time we arrive, and I spend the majority of the time at the range trying to throw up, thinking I will feel better after a decent vomit. At this point I’m thinking about some pretty weird stuff, and I’m unable to explain my thoughts to my husband. After the range, we stop into Walmart to look at guns. I’m holding my left arm like it’s in a sling because it’s numb, and I’m wearing sunglasses because my eyes are sensitive to light (my ears are also sensitive to sound).  I have to use the restroom, but both the rear and front restrooms have long lines. I think about all the people who die on the toilet after eating too much on Thanksgiving. We go to Chik-fil-a for lunch, where Andrew eats and I use the toilet. We go home before bible study, when we decide that I should stay home and rest. I rest; Andrew attends bible study. We talk before bed. I mention signs of stroke. He strongly recommends NyQuil. I take some, then immediately start shivering all over. He says I have a fever and I need to sleep. I fight the medicine all night because I’m scared I might fall into a coma.

I approach the throne room of King Jesus. His face is in shadows, his hair curls as a Greek’s, his court is built of white sparkling marble. He is lounging, eating grapes, and speaks to me gently. He is dressed in bolts of linen, and his head is adorned with a golden wreath of laurels. I ask him for two things: no fear, and confidence in him. He grants these to me. He tells me that I must obey: obey him, obey my husband, obey authorities. Then the King offers me two gifts – a small gift and a great gift. I may take one of the gifts. After some thought, I decide to take the great gift; the Lord does not curse his children, this would not be a trick, I do not need to use reverse psychology when communing with the Prince of Peace. He assures me that I will be restored to full health. He also tells me that I must return each night to the Throne of Grace, or I might once again put myself in danger. I ask him to forgive me of my countless faults, and he replies to each with a surprisingly simple, “Of course.” Then I start thinking of things for which to thank him, and I notice that all throughout his courts people are dancing and singing in his name. I just watch because I’m so very tired.

Onslow Memorial, 11/25: I’m sweaty from fighting a fever all night. I’m talking in riddles. Andrew runs to the store to buy a thermometer. After checking my temperature, he takes me to the local hospital. I’m displaying outward signs of catatonia. Doctors take blood, ask questions, run an MRI and some other weird tests. Though I dislike doctors and hospitals, I remain calm in hours of consciousness because I’m supposed to obey. I tell one doc that I’m on a spaceship… Docs decide to give me a sedative. After taking the sedative, I appear to be back to my normal self. Docs say I can go home and tell me to take it easy for a few days.

Day of Rest, 11/26: I slept well because of the sedative. I’m awake for breakfast. During lunch Andrew asks me several questions that I find difficult to answer. I retire to the bedroom for the remainder of the day to rest. And I rest – no fitful sleeping – waking, restless rest. I’m thinking about the seven kingdoms, a clock, a dragon. I’m making sense of many mysteries, yet my mind is slowing down. I keep hearing the same string of notes, over and over. I’m having feverish nightmares about boulders and being buried. Finally, the sun begins to rise.

Vidant Duplin, 11/27 – 11/29: For the next few days, I forget events. I remember walking down our deck staircase as Andrew helped me into the car. I remember sitting in a waiting room at a hospital. I recall riding in a police car, being restrained, acting like an old woman, talking with fellow patients, drawing a picture (right-handed), snacks, socks, paperwork, a maze, a social worker, and a helicopter ride.

UNC Chapel Hill, 11/29 – 12/4: More needles, more tests: EEG, spinal tap, tests for bacteria, tests for viruses. Negative, negative. I stumped to doctors. The nurses restored me to health. So many people came to visit me. The food tasted good. I spent a week getting back to a normal schedule: eat during the day, sleep at night. Meanwhile, I had a bit of trouble keeping food down, especially when I moved. My head felt heavy, my limbs felt like noodles. I sang and I smiled and I talked. I talked more last week than I have my entire life. Tuesday’s news came as a surprise: the docs said I could go home! I bid farewell to the best hospital I’ve ever known and walked out of there, all on my own. My husband remained by my side throughout the quest for health.

Journey Home: We stayed a few nights with a generous relative before Andrew drove us three hours back to our home. Each day has been a blessing. I have been able to do so much, and there are still so many things to do! I am grateful to be able to share my thoughts with the world, and for my great gift, whatever it may be.

No one has greater love than this: that he would lay down his life for his friends.

~Jesus of Nazareth

A common thread exists in all great stories. Theater is one medium through which a story can be told; before that was manuscript, earlier oral tradition, and even earlier pictures, but all are used today. A modern audience may be inclined to view a film over a Shakespearean or Greek play, but that is a matter of taste. The Ancient Greeks had several hundred years to refine theater, discovering the subtleties between comedy and tragedy. Some of the first compelling dramas were written for the medium. One recalls Oedipus Tyrannus and Medea, tragic dramas that have been revisited through several media. The Romans adopted the Greek tradition, and Jesus was born into a world familiar with the cues of theatric drama.

A compelling story is remembered fondly. The parts that speak to the heart stay in it. I have been thus compelled by a few current television series: the BBC show Sherlock, NBC’s primetime show Grimm, and ABC’s Once Upon A Time.

The first series attracts lovers of classic literature and science alike, for Arthur Conan Doyle’s beloved detective Sherlock Holmes finds himself in contemporary London. In the final episode of season two, *SPOILER*

Of those to whom God has given many gifts: much is expected.

Walk in the Spirit. Listen and obey. If you do not, your fall will be great. “The Devil was an archangel once; his natural gifts were as far above yours as yours are above those of a chimpanzee,” (C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity). Align your will with that of your Father.

God’s plan is to perfect his creation. Sanctification – the process of perfection – is God’s job; your job is to let him perfect you. Continually denying your self-centered nature is exhausting. Therefore, return daily to the Fountain. Living Water provides energy to progress.

If you remain in Jesus, you will be made perfect – a son or daughter of God. If you continually dismiss him, in the end he will dismiss you. Stay close to him so that you know what he wants you to do. Stay near him so that you can hear his whispers.

The Spirit of Truth will be with you through the day, giving counsel for every decision. He reminds you that to eat more than your body needs to live is to practice gluttony, and to repeatedly practice gluttony is to be a glutton. The Spirit of Truth reminds you that to waste time is to be lazy, and to continually be lazy is to be asleep. The Spirit of Truth reminds you that to wish harm on others is to practice wrath, and to repeatedly practice wrath is to lose his love. Do not hold on to any sin, no matter how small, or you will be enslaved to it.

Some people pretend to be Jesus because they want to condemn the world. Some pretend to be Jesus because they want to practice being sons and daughters of God. Jesus, our brother, is a good example to follow. Good actions are not enough, but they are all that we can do. Jesus changes what we cannot: our hearts.

Every road after a few miles forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork, you must make a decision… I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish, but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road… Evil can be undone, but it cannot develop into good. Time does not heal it; the spell must be unwound, bit by bit, with backward mutters of dissevering power, or else not. It is still either or. If we insist on keeping hell or even earth, we shall not see heaven. If we accept heaven, we shall not be able to retain even the smallest and most intimate souvenirs of hell.

~C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

Ever seen the Holy Ghost? He can be tricky to substantiate (pun intended), but is in fact more real than matter.

According to John, Jesus spoke the following words to his disciples at the Last Supper:

Ἐὰν ἀγαπᾶτέ με, τὰς ἐντολὰς τὰς ἐμὰς τηρήσετε: κἀγὼ ἐρωτήσω τὸν πατέρα καὶ ἄλλον παράκλητον δώσει ὑμῖν ἵνα μεθ’ ὑμῶν εἰς τὸν αἰῶνα ᾖ, τὸ πνεῦμα τῆς ἀληθείας, ὃ ὁ κόσμος οὐ δύναται λαβεῖν, ὅτι οὐ θεωρεῖ αὐτὸ οὐδὲ γινώσκει: ὑμεῖς γινώσκετε αὐτό, ὅτι παρ’ ὑμῖν μένει καὶ ἐν ὑμῖν ἔσται.

~John 14:15-17, OGB

An English translation, drawn from the NIV (and a tad bit of Ancient Greek):

If you love me, you will obey my commands; and I will beseech the Father, and he will give you another counselor to be with you forever: the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot accept because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he stays beside you and will be in you.

Hovering around chapters 14 and 15, Jesus speaks more about this “Spirit of Truth” …

• The counselor – the Holy Spirit – whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.
• The counselor – the Spirit of Truth – will testify about me, and you also must testify. He comes from the Father, and I will send him to you.
• The Spirit of Truth will guide you into all truth.

The Spirit of Truth is like your conscience, or moral intuition, yet he is more than that. He is the channel through which the Living Water flows into you. The closer you are to the Source of Life, the better you know right from wrong. The further you stray from the Fountain, the more confusing morality becomes, til you become altogether blind to truth.

C.S. Lewis explains the relationship between Father, Son, Holy Spirit, and man in his book, Mere Christianity:

The Father delights in his Son; the Son looks up to his Father… They are a great fountain of energy spurting up at the very center of reality. If you are close to it, the spray will wet you; if you are not, you will remain dry… Christ is the Son of God. If we share in this kind of life we shall also be sons of God. We shall love the Father as he does and the Holy Ghost will arise in us.

A final piece of imagery. Jesus’ words, from chapter 15 of John:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that produces no fruit and cleanses every branch that does produce fruit to make it even more fruitful. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can produce fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you produce fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will produce much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you might set out and produce fruit – imperishable fruit.

I long considered it acceptable to feel guilty about my sin for a length of time before I approached God for forgiveness. Coming before him fresh in my sin always seemed too bold and shameless to merit sincerity. Just yesterday I realized that waiting to come clean can only harm me.

Sinning creates a rift between my father and I. The crack widens with time until God is a great distance away. In the time between straying and finding my way back, I am vulnerable to evils of the ugliest kind. Should I feel too guilty to come before him I have surrendered to my weaknesses, forfeiting my greatest Ally.

The moment an error is realized (or even in ignorance), ask God for forgiveness. Do this with the desire to refrain from doing the wrong action in the future.

If an error is realized, but desire to change is not present, perhaps God is further away than originally thought. In this case, run, do not walk, to his nearest remedy.

The book What’s So Amazing About Grace? points out that guilt is a tool Satan can use to separate man from God. Guilt is not the only divider. Pride, ignorance, and apathy are among the devil’s favored wedges.

Do not be content to spend a single moment away from the Father. God protects his children. When a sinner repents, there is much rejoicing (Luke 15:7). Believe it or not: There is no need to wait. Ask now.

I saw this picture floating around the web, associated with atheist sentiments. I find that ironic, because in order for an atheist to agree with this quote, he has to acknowledge that evil exists, ruling out relativism. Thank God.

So, which is it? Does Epicurus* make a sound argument? Which scenario paints God in a true light? Are all options necessarily unfavorable?

I personally believe that God is both willing and able to prevent evil. He will ultimately vanquish evil in the last battle.

“Whence cometh evil?” God is perfect. Anything less is not God. He cannot do evil, for then he would cease to be God. He did not create evil. Evil does not exist on its own. Evil is attributed to existing things. An evil thing is one that is degenerate. Viewing actions as morally black or white (how I believe God views them), an evil action is one that is not preferable. So, where does evil come from? Man’s free will allows the possibility for evil.

Is God omnipotent? God can do whatever he wants. God wants the best. God does not want to do evil, so he cannot do evil. Therefore, God is limited. Is a limitless god preferable? I do not think so. A god who can do no evil is preferable to a god who can do evil.

I believe that man’s free will limits God’s sovereignty. If man is truly a free agent, then God forfeits a bit of his say in what happens. Thus, evil is allowed to exist, though God neither wants it nor creates it.

 

*Those who followed the teachings of ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus strove for maximum pleasure (hedonism, yet not strictly carnal) by reducing physical pain, unnecessary evil, and fear to a minimum. Epicurus himself may or may not have spoken the above words. Epicureanism was popular in the Hellenistic Period (323 – 31 BC) in and around Greece.

Source:

Graham Shipley. The Greek World After Alexander. NY: Routledge, 2000.

A scripture verse that is often quoted, and the context removed:

Μὴ κρίνετε, ἵνα μὴ κριθῆτε: ἐν ᾧ γὰρ κρίματι κρίνετε κριθήσεσθε, καὶ ἐν ᾧ μέτρῳ μετρεῖτε μετρηθήσεται ὑμῖν.

~Matthew 7:1-2, OGB*

Eimi’s English translation based on the Greek:

Do not judge, so that you might not be judged. For of this judgement you pass, you will be found guilty, and the scale with which you measure will be used for you.**

This does not mean that judgements and distinctions are wrong. Humans’ rational faculty should be used to discern good from evil. It is just to judge right and wrong action.

Nor is Jesus condemning a judicial system. Law is crucial to a functional society. Under God’s law, man is justified to kill a murderer (Genesis 9:6), and so on.

One cannot avoid God’s judgement by overlooking evil, for God judges all. Do not ignore wrongdoing in others. Instead, do good and to encourage others to do good.

What is the context of Matthew 7? In the next three verses, Jesus addresses a hypocrite (ὑποκριτά – actor, pretender), or one whose words and actions clash. It is safe to assume he addresses the hypocrite in verses 1 and 2 as well. A hypocrite commits the crimes he condemns in others.

Passing judgement on another is not wrong unless the accuser is guilty of the accusation. Those who abandon a sin may aid others in renouncing that sin.

Jesus’ charge was not to live without judgement, rather, to introspect. Always check your actions against your beliefs, ensure they coincide, and make corrections as needed.

Mend yourself. Only then can you help others see the error of their ways.

*The Online Greek Bible is a nifty tool. Click on a word to open a new window showing all possible English synonyms. View an entire chapter or a single verse.

**With a bachelor’s degree in classics, my knowledge of the Greek language, ancient idioms, and syntax is intermediate at best. Close attention to grammar and context helps draw more of the meaning in English.

This may seem off-topic, but physical health is not to be ignored.

Two things that are absurd:

1. Losing weight. The human body is designed for self-preservation. The urge to indulge in rich foods is the body’s way of maintaining extra energy in the case of shortage. Dieting drives the body into survival mode. During times of famine, one should eat at any opportunity. The mind must trump the body. Willpower must win over instinct. The first week is toughest; before the stomach shrinks to adjust to a smaller food intake, it will tell the brain that it is hungry, even after a meal.
2. Not having time to lose weight. For centuries, people have found time for luxuries, including music, education, and entertainment, despite the immense physical effort it took to secure their basic needs. Machines do much of today’s hard labor, and providing for oneself can be as physically undemanding as sitting in front of a screen for eight hours. If health is a priority, it must be afforded spare time. Being active can relieve just as much stress as retreating to the TV, internet, or video game after a long day of work.

Diet tips:

• Variety is key. Remember the food pyramid? Choose favorites from each food group. Dislike like fruits/veggies? Try something new. Vitamins and minerals are best absorbed from fresh ingredients, and should not be forgone.
• Reduce sugar intake, especially soda, if not altogether, then to a minimum. A high sugar intake can lead to unseen fat buildup around the internal organs.*
• To boost metabolism, eat 6 small meals/snacks per day instead of 3 large meals.

Exercise tips:

• Do something fun. The FIRM workouts are effective and enjoyable DVDs for women; sessions average 30 minutes to an hour.
• Do not be discouraged! Giving up early is tempting, especially with sore muscles. After two or three days of intense exercise, take a day off, but be sure to resume a regular workout routine.
• Vitamin C helps to lower the lactic acid buildup in muscles. Take a supplement of 500-1000 mg to reduce the burn after a workout.

Determination and discipline are essential tools used in reaching fitness goals. When diet and exercise seem not to be affecting the waistline, just remember that weight loss is not the only goal. Focus on being healthy. A trim appearance is a pleasant byproduct of eating right and being active, and, like many things, takes time.

 

*3 Surprising Reasons to Give Up Soda, January 17, 2012 by Leah Zerbe.

Should you find yourself in a petty argument:

1. Pause.
2. Ask yourself, “What are you fighting for?” Are you struggling to save your pride? Are you too stubborn to back down? Chances are you allowed your emotions to take over.
3. Rewind. No yelling, no insults. It may seem easier to persist in supporting your spineless crusade than to admit your fault, but it is always better to keep a level head. A quick apology and explanation should suffice. If you are unsure what is bothering you, talk it out. You may be surprised at the amount of forgiveness you receive in exchange for your humility.

Choose your battles wisely. Put what strength you have in defending truth; let your ego take a hit.

You may wish to help someone who acts irrationally. Confront him with your concerns. When in doubt, be honest. A time may come when he and you part ways.

What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs.

~Jesus’ charge to his disciples, Matthew 10:27

Last night I lay in bed next to my snoozing husband, mine eyelids unable to grow heavy. Falling asleep is difficult when I’ve only been up for twelve hours. I must rise early if I wish to be early to bed. Alas, I am often tempted to doze well into morning, and yesterday was no exception. Thus, my restless body tossed and turned under sheets in place of the tides of slumber.

So I talked to God.

And he talked back.

I saw the eyes of an owl staring into mine, and thought first of wisdom. I was reminded of Matthew 10:16. Be wise as serpents.

The devil is wise. He will turn your greatest tool against you. The words of God will be twisted into lies. Yet for all his cunning, the snake cannot bind he who serves the King. Do not let one arrow from Satan’s quiver fall past your ranks. Seek always to align your will with that of your master.

Rereading chapter ten of the book of Matthew severed any doubts I had about sharing what I believe to be truth. Whom can I fear, but “the One who can destroy both soul and body,” (v. 28)?